The Amputee Policeman

Real talk from an 18 year cop

Archive for the month “January, 2014”

An Amputee’s Hate/ Love Leg Relationship

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If most of you are like me, it’s been a while since I first started wearing my leg and frankly, some days when I get out of bed in the morning… Ok, everyday when I get out of bed in the morning…I grumble and growl under my breathe about having to go through the ritual of putting my leg on.  First I put on a sock and then my shoe on the fo-real side and then I put my pants on my prothesis and then slide my fo-real leg in the pants.  After that, I spray the inside of my socket with my specially formulated lotion, slip on my gel caps, spray them, put my stump into the socket, grab a crutch for support with the right hand while my leg slides down and then,  after all that, I put my valve in with my left hand and begin to get the air pockets out- which will usually take my entire first hour.  sometimes before I can even think of beginning all this, I have to wrap my leg tight to push out any extra fluid that might have accumulated through the night.  That is my routine and I hate it.  But right before I let my crying and moaning get too far, I remind myself that there are folks in this world, many who I’ve had the chance to meet, who would love to have a prosthesis as advanced as mine and who would love to be able to put one on.  And if that’s not enough to shut my crying up, I think about the great health of my children.  And THEN, if I want to kick and stomp about it, I remind myself that I am alive.  As we go into the weekend,  take a minute to look around your world and find all the good things that you have going on.  My bet is the good will outweigh the bad by a long shot.  Don’t forget to count being alive!  Until next time, to all my amped brothers and sisters, look after each other.

Oh, please feel free to comment with your own morning routine.  I’m sure other amps would be curious.

Peace out, The one-legged Cop

Daughter Steals Dad’s Fake Leg and Runs Over a Snowman with the Car Getting Away” on YouTube

I promise i didn’t say the F word although it really sounds like I did!

Something to Think About…

Check out @kevintreez’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/kevintreez/status/427788841685356544

Watch “Ottobock C-Leg, Prosthetic Leg, gets Cop Back to Work” on YouTube

My video Ottobock did.

It’s all About Your Amp-itude

On this beautiful cold Sunday morning, I woke up and immediately buried my face into my “smart” phone, definitely doesn’t take after me, and saw a post where a mom with a 10 year old son who is a new below knee amp can’t get his disability insurance approved. First, the child has no other health issues and second, with a below knee on one side considered a little more than a missing foot, I can’t understand why this mom is trying to program this small kid into thinking he is “disabled.” I have no less than 50 friends from around the country who are productive and who are amputees, none of them draw disability insurance. I also personally know at least 2, and my memory is getting bad at 45, other sworn and active above knee cops in America who have been at it missing their legs for as long as the kid has been alive. After my above knee amputation in 2005, I flew the police helicopter for 2 years, worked as a homicide detective for 3 and a half years and now been a police sergeant for over 3 years. In my off time, I do all my yard work, coached football for 5 years and never use a handicap parking space. Knowing that I’m not alone in my endeavors, I really wonder if it’s the mom who will disable her child more than his missing leg? We all have a responsibility to make the best of this one life were giving, so we need to stop, in a twist of irony, handicapping the very people we love, including ourselves. I was dealt a crappy hand too, but I’m NOT going to waste my life being a wuss about it. Are you? See you all tomorrow. Kevin

Damn! Still Missing!

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It’s nows officially been 3035 days since my leg got whacked off and even I, the great and powerful but, mostly misguided, One-legged Cop anxiously awaits it’s miraculous arrival.  I shall perform another snow angel dance.  Stay dry, keep your stump warm and keep laughing!!!

How you Treat your Toilet Paper will Tell Others About your Personality

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Do you fold or wad?  A scientist from Mt. Washington, Ky has determined that we can learn a lot about a person by how they prepare their toilet paper for the end use. This is what he learned after 300 hours of spying on people in public restrooms and, after being arrested, in jail.

The folder is a detailed oriented person who prefers to read historical documentaries while sitting on the porcelain thrown.  They usually will not talk to others in public toilets and will fight with all their might to conceal an audible fart.  They will shake your hand, but only after washing vigorously for 30 seconds with soap and water.  They drink dark beer and will only sneak peeks at the servers butt.

The wadder is a free soul who doesn’t know how to read well but can conquer any level of Angry Bird while pooping.  They actually enjoy a friendly conversation on the john and will challenge complete strangers to farting contest both in and out of the restroom.  The wadder will wipe his hand on his jeans before shaking someone’s hand and will cat – call at the server.  The only beer they drink is whatever a friend buys them or whatever will get them drunk the fastest.

Now you know!

Redneck stung by a bee!!!” on YouTube

Yep folks.  The one-legged cop got stung by a bee…

Get As Cold As You Like

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This leg aint gonna care!

Even C-Legs Watch Football on Sundays!!!

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Go Denver and Seattle!!!!  I will get more of you Europeans interested in American football.

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