The Amputee Policeman

Real talk from an 18 year cop

Archive for the month “June, 2014”

5 Things to Remember While You Are Missing a Leg in the Summer

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Summertime is here again and if you’re like me, my time sitting around the pool while drinking manly fruity drinks will increase exponentially.  Yes, there IS such a thing.  As such, before my near-miss rear end collision this morning as I day dreamed of tropical islands and sand covered feet, uh foot, I felt an unusual urge to list the five most important things to remember as a one-legged person in the summer.  So with further ado….

1. Drinking Adult Beverages, albeit a little more challenging as a one-legged feller, is still encouraged while sitting around the pool or taking up space on a beach chair. Besides, who can tell if your drunk or if you still are learning to walk with a prosthesis.  Hell, you might even get a free drink out of it!

2.  Keep wearing them shorts!  Who cares if people stare at your leg, dang it, this is the summertime and it’s hot outside.  Wear you shorts!  Besides you might stick out more wearing sweatpants on the beach when it’s 90 degrees outside!  Sheew!  Trust me, I’ve seen some pretty ugly legs on the beach being from Florida and all.  My sexy titanium shouldn’t offend anyone!

3.  Your leg will sweat more than a sumo -wrestler sunbathing in North Africa! Big deal!  Yep, it’s a simple fact of life for us one-legged folks.  Be prepared to take off your Prosthesis once in a while to dry it off.  If you can do it in public, it will make it all the better as you freak out complete strangers!  Have fun!  Besides, we all do it…  Ain’t nothing but a Thang!

4.  Give it a break buddy!  With all the heat and drinking and cavorting across the sand, us one-legged people get tired too!  It’s OK to take a day off to give your leg a break from prosthesis induced torque and stress that is equivalent to a Space Shuttle launch!  Alright, I made that part up.  But give that leg a break and let someone bring that Pina Colada to you!

5.  Sunburn is your stump’s enemy!  That is unless you simple love the pain and misery.  Protect that stump at all costs.  Yes your legs will eventually be different colors, however you won’t be sorry!  And really, this might be the only real practical advice of this whole blog!!!

So there it is, my list of five things to remember as a one-legged feller or gal in the summer.  I was originally gonna make it ten things longs, but I realized my pool is missing me and my beer is getting warm!  Until next time, keep your stump in the sand and a wet one to your lips. 

Amp Cop out….

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I’m Finally Me Again

image Well obviously it’s gonna be another one of those nights where, after staying up on a Saturday night watching television in bed, I have yet to be visited by the sandman.  Oh where art though in my time of need?  Anyway…  At least it’s not a weekday and I have to go to work in a few hours!  So awake I lay in bed at 4:30AM doing what I do best when all is quiet and I’m admittedly somewhat bored, I reflect on my life’s travels and worry about the future.  Yes, yes I know.  Worrying is fruitless and a waste of time, but that’s the German in me and it probably won’t change anytime soon!  But wow, I must say, the last 9 years have been anything but boring.  Alot of crappy days yes, but absolutely not uneventful.  Not here!  Who would have thought on the day of my amputation so many years ago that I’d be feeling content with life again to the degree that I do?  Sheeew, certainly not me.  According to me in those days, my life was over!  Finish!  Done!  Anyone else feel that way that fateful day?  But for what it’s worth, and it’s probably good to remind myself and others, the pain and anquish that accompanied the death of our body parts did slowly fade with the passage of time.  Now don’t get me wrong, I said it faded and not disappeared.  I am a realist you know!  It still stinks being a one-legged feller.  Nevertheless, as I lay here in bed with only the glow of my X3 charger and my phone illuminating the darkness, I find myself at peace with my loss, my journey and my life.  I understand the future might hold more difficult times, even if in short spurts, but for now I rest in my comfy bed, thankful for my additional time on earth and thankful that my amputation couldn’t steal my soul.  Afterall, its gonna take a whole lot more than a missing leg to do that!  How about you?  Do you still have your old one?  Your soul, I mean! Not your bodypart!  As for mine, rest in peace my beloved right leg.  Now let me see if I can do the same!  Ugh. 10-7 Amp Cop

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