Summertime is here again and if you’re like me, my time sitting around the pool while drinking manly fruity drinks will increase exponentially. Yes, there IS such a thing. As such, before my near-miss rear end collision this morning as I day dreamed of tropical islands and sand covered feet, uh foot, I felt an unusual urge to list the five most important things to remember as a one-legged person in the summer. So with further ado….
1. Drinking Adult Beverages, albeit a little more challenging as a one-legged feller, is still encouraged while sitting around the pool or taking up space on a beach chair. Besides, who can tell if your drunk or if you still are learning to walk with a prosthesis. Hell, you might even get a free drink out of it!
2. Keep wearing them shorts! Who cares if people stare at your leg, dang it, this is the summertime and it’s hot outside. Wear you shorts! Besides you might stick out more wearing sweatpants on the beach when it’s 90 degrees outside! Sheew! Trust me, I’ve seen some pretty ugly legs on the beach being from Florida and all. My sexy titanium shouldn’t offend anyone!
3. Your leg will sweat more than a sumo -wrestler sunbathing in North Africa! Big deal! Yep, it’s a simple fact of life for us one-legged folks. Be prepared to take off your Prosthesis once in a while to dry it off. If you can do it in public, it will make it all the better as you freak out complete strangers! Have fun! Besides, we all do it… Ain’t nothing but a Thang!
4. Give it a break buddy! With all the heat and drinking and cavorting across the sand, us one-legged people get tired too! It’s OK to take a day off to give your leg a break from prosthesis induced torque and stress that is equivalent to a Space Shuttle launch! Alright, I made that part up. But give that leg a break and let someone bring that Pina Colada to you!
5. Sunburn is your stump’s enemy! That is unless you simple love the pain and misery. Protect that stump at all costs. Yes your legs will eventually be different colors, however you won’t be sorry! And really, this might be the only real practical advice of this whole blog!!!
So there it is, my list of five things to remember as a one-legged feller or gal in the summer. I was originally gonna make it ten things longs, but I realized my pool is missing me and my beer is getting warm! Until next time, keep your stump in the sand and a wet one to your lips.
Amp Cop out….