Stop Chasing Rainbows and Start Chasing Life

The healthy human body is an amazing biophysical machine.  Designed to work perfectly with all the pieces operating as one and in sync, it propels us effortlessly through life with an extraordinary system designed to heal itself from most of our stupid redneck dare challenges or daily mishaps!  And although the older we get, the slower we are to heal, it still seems to get the job done and keep us moving through our daily routines.  That is, until something crazy happens to it, like for instance, having a limb whacked off, then the original architecture is changed forever.  When that happens, we too are changed forever.  The advancements in prosthesis technology are also amazing.  Whether it is the Touch Bionics hand by Prodigits or the military-grade X3 knee by Ottobock, the direction the industry is flying towards is sure to only make life easier for amputees in the future.  One day we might even find ourselves as part human, part robot, and the closest to “being back to normal” like before our amputations.  Exciting prospect for sure!

HOWEVER, the cold hard dreary Debbie-Downer reality of being an amputee is, once we start our new life as a member of the one-leg or arm club, our body will NEVER be EXACTLY like it was before and it will never operate EXACTLY like it did.  Ne-e-e-e-ver!  Got it?  Let it sink in!  Now pause, and let it sink in again!  Yes, we can get really close to where we were before with the use of the latest technology available, but it will NEVER be as efficient and as effortlessly and as comfortable as it was when we were living in our own skin.  Now, read that twice, or a dozen times.  Yet, given this cold ugly fact of life, I still witness newer amputees finding themselves chasing some imaginary rainbow that does not exist; that they believe will get them back to exactly as their previous “normal” state.  Unfortunately people, it just ain’t gonna to happen.  Man cannot grow limbs.

Now, I know a bunch of my readers just thought to themselves, “Well that is a crappy thing to write!” and you would be right about what I wrote, right?!  It is crappy; however it is the truth.  The best we can do as amputees is to get as close to where we were before.  As close.  But what does that mean?  Well, if you ask an insurance company, they believe it means simple ambulation no matter the vehicle.  Like for instance, mine was satisfied they could cut off my rehab because I was able to get myself around in a wheelchair for the rest of my life!  What a joke!  It wasn’t good enough for me and I’m sure it wouldn’t be good enough for you.  So, if you’re like me and a walker or wheelchair is not good enough, all we are left with is getting the best technology possible and moving forward with all the new pains of our imperfect technology.  What I mean is, no matter how good a socket fits and no matter how comfortable your prosthesis seems to be, no technology can compensate for all the physical changes our amazing body goes through in a day’s time.  If you wear your prosthesis long enough or if you do certain things like we did before, there will often, if not always be some kind of pain or complication, little or small.  For example, when  I was in homicide and working long hours, at the beginning of the day when my leg fit nice and secure,  I always had to leg fart a few bubbles out of my socket during the first hour of wear.  And then, after the 14 or 18^th hour of wear when my leg lost volume from the long day, I had to contend with a looser fitting leg that was not quit like it was in the morning.  And often that loose fit caused a little suction spot on my stump that annoyed the crap out of me; bearable but annoying.  But hey, what should I have expected, it wasn’t my real leg and it wasn’t going to work like my real leg…EVER!  So I kept going while knowing my prosthesis would never be perfect at all times like my old skin and bones.   What I’m saying is, at some point, as a new amputee, you must come to terms with the fact that a prosthesis cannot fully and exactly replace your original part.  Ever!  I’m not saying you should be satisfied with a marginal or shoddy product from a your leg or arm guy or gal, but I am saying, if your chasing the rainbow that will lead to the perfect and always pain-free or comfortable prosthesis that will transform you into the person you were before, you’re wasting your time.  Get it right, learn to accept and manage your issues and then keep going.

The Top 5 Places my Leg Has Almost Fallen Off

We’ve all been there, whether it’s because of sweat in our liner or we turned a crazy angle or something pushed our skin away from our socket, at some point, if you’re an active amputee like I know most of us are, our leg socket has lost suction.  And after it happens, we’ve all quickly done that funny dance where we tiptoe on our good leg while pushing our stump back into the prosthesis only to have our leg let out a juicy fart that most kids under ten would brag about.  I know I’ve gotten the attention of a stranger or two on more than one occasion due to my sudden air escape.  And like a ten year old kid, I usually point at someone else and hold my nose!  Ah yes, the life of an amputee.  So in this week’s blog, I thought I would share with you the top five places my leg about fell off.  So without further ado, my top five!

1.  While getting back into shape after my amputation, I took a Karate and ground fighting class in the winter time.  Accordingly, I usually wore long pants which hid the fact that I was an amputee.  That is, until one night when I was violently slammed onto the mat which caused my leg to loose suction, turn 180 degrees and slide off about 4 inches.  If you can only imagine the look on the parents faces after seeing such a sight!

2.  While sitting on a bar stool at Hooters and surrounded by beautiful young ladies, I slid forward on my seat to adjust the flat spot on my butt when, without warning my leg broke suction and starting sliding towards the floor.  No problem, nobody would know!  So I thought.  However the dreaded leg fart came right about the time our waitress showed up to take our order.

3.  While mowing the grass with my riding mower, it was a hot summer day and my leg was sweating like crazy.  No big deal, I was used to it.  What I wasn’t used to was my leg completely coming off as I was in forward motion, thus leaving it behind on the lawn AS strangers were driving by slowly looking for building lots.

4.  While at Disney World AND after standing in line for Space Mountain (that was two hours of my life that I’d never get back), after finally reaching the rocket capsule, which was much smaller than I remember ten years ago, I sat down in the back of the tiny and narrow seat only for the crazy angle of my prosthetic leg to cause a breach of suction.  Within seconds from being locked-in and launched, I jump off the ride and back onto the platform where I quickly performed the most embarrassing fart dance I’ve ever done to date; in front of my biggest audience ever!  Needless, to say, I waited on the other end for my family to return.
5.  While walking through Universal Studios, my young son decided to walk across the path of my prosthetic leg thus causing me to trip and fall onto the hard pavement in front of an entire park full of people.  No big really as I’ve tripped in worse places.  But as my luck would be, when I violently slammed onto the ground, my one-way suction valve at the bottom of my leg became dislodge!  I couldn’t even do a fart dance to get my leg to stay on!  Leaving my family, I walked to the front of the park, boarded the ferry back to the hotel, navigated through the elevator and hallways and finally back to my hotel room, all while embarrassingly holding onto my socket with both hands so it would slide off.
So, that’s it folks.  My top 5 most embarrassing places I almost lost my leg.  But hey, like everything in life, we just got to laugh about it.  Those are mine.  What are yours?
Until another time, Ampcop 10-7

I’m Finally Me Again

Well obviously it’s gonna be another one of those nights where, after staying up on a Saturday night watching television in bed, I have yet to be visited by the sandman.  Oh where art though in my time of need?  Anyway…  At least it’s not a weekday and I have to go to work in a few hours!  So awake I lay in bed at 4:30AM doing what I do best when all is quiet and I’m admittedly somewhat bored, I reflect on my life’s travels and worry about the future.  Yes, yes I know.  Worrying is fruitless and a waste of time, but that’s the German in me and it probably won’t change anytime soon!  But wow, I must say, the last 9 years have been anything but boring.  Alot of crappy days yes, but absolutely not uneventful.  Not here!  Who would have thought on the day of my amputation so many years ago that I’d be feeling content with life again to the degree that I do?  Sheeew, certainly not me.  According to me in those days, my life was over!  Finish!  Done!  Anyone else feel that way that fateful day?  But for what it’s worth, and it’s probably good to remind myself and others, the pain and anquish that accompanied the death of our body parts did slowly fade with the passage of time.  Now don’t get me wrong, I said it faded and not disappeared.  I am a realist you know!  It still stinks being a one-legged feller.  Nevertheless, as I lay here in bed with only the glow of my X3 charger and my phone illuminating the darkness, I find myself at peace with my loss, my journey and my life.  I understand the future might hold more difficult times, even if in short spurts, but for now I rest in my comfy bed, thankful for my additional time on earth and thankful that my amputation couldn’t steal my soul.  Afterall, its gonna take a whole lot more than a missing leg to do that!  How about you?  Do you still have your old one?  Your soul, I mean! Not your bodypart!  As for mine, rest in peace my beloved right leg.  Now let me see if I can do the same!  Ugh. 10-7 Amp Cop

Keeping my Side of the Deal

In the months following my accident on April 4, 2003, I was so desperate to escape my pain and hell that I know I must have said more prayers than the last 5 Popes, maybe ALL of the Popes, put together!  I mean, that’s how I spent my every waking hours, praying and making one-sided deals with God.  “If this happens oh Lord, I promise I’ll….”  and then i’d intersperse the word “Please” in there 20 or 30 times to make my argument more convincing.  Then, after making the deal, i’d sit back and look for any sign of hope that my prayer was heard and a miracle was coming; it could have been a funny shaped cloud or a enlightening dream or a coincidence of sort.  Yep, probably a bit goofy I know, however given the amount of good pain medicine I was on at the time, I saw alot of crazily convincing signs!  But out of all my negotiations with God, my most frequent one was my offer to trade the ability to walk again for a life time of paying my lessons forward to others.   Of course I arrogantly asked for a full recovery too.

Although not how I imagined during my deal making days, two and a half years later my prayers were answered when I got my prosthesis 6 weeks after an amputation in November 2005.  And as requested, I was up and walking again so well that I was able to keep my job as a police officer.  After that, life took off at full speed like before my wreck and I found myself happy and with purpose once again.  Now, at that point, I was walking and feeling great and doing most things like before, so it would have been very easy for me to forget about the desperate deals I made with God.  I got what I wanted after all.  Yes, I could have said since I had to lose a leg in the process, that the deal was off.  But the fact was, I asked to walk again and that’s what I got. If I was going to split hairs, maybe I should have been more specific, like maybe I should of said I wanted to walk again with all the parts I was born with, but who was I to decide in the grand scheme of things! I was walking as requested.  Well, after all that I knew it was my turn to honor my end of the bargain with God.  So for the last 8 years I’ve tried to pay forward what I learned along my own difficult journey. And hopefully I have done an OK job so far.  Just with this blog alone, I’ve reached 10,000 views in 3 months and have had a lot of great feedback concerning my messages.  I’ve also been able to help a lot of people either recover physically or navigate the emotional jungle a new amputee is inserted into. As we all know that can be trying experience!  But all that being said, without question the best part has been the hundreds of new friends I have made along my journey.   Thank you to you all.

In closing, if you were like me, I’m sure you had a few key figures who helped you get through your ordeal.  It might have been a best friend or a spouse or a child or clergy person or your God.  Regardless, whoever it was that kept you moving forward through those dark days, be sure they know how appreciative you are for their unconditional love and support. And by George, if you made a few deals with others along the way, make sure to keep those promises too!  Until next time, keep your stump dry and your pallette wet!

Cop Back to Work Using C-Leg

Please take some time to view and share my other blogs on here with other new and future amps.

The Amp Cop

The Truth About Being an Amputee

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog titled, What to do When Your Prosthesis Doesn’t Fit. If you didn’t catch it or need a refresher, follow the link below.

What to do When your Prosthesis Doesn’t Fit

In that post I emphasized the fact that you as an amp must take responsibility as the guardian of your own treatment and act as your number one advocate. That includes letting it be known you are not satisfied and firing prosthetists if you are getting ignored or if you think your interactions, or lack of, have risen to that level. With today’s technology, which is getting better every year, unless you have collateral issues such as stump problems or circulatory complications that disallow you to wear your prosthesis, most of us should be up and at least walking. A good fitting socket is the key. Also, we all have a responsibility to ourselves and to our amp community to let others know about those prosthesis companies that do a sad job of responding. Together we must stick together and make our experiences public. Look at it as an amp public service announcement! I’ll do more with this and all you’re help in the near future. THAT BEING SAID.

If you are the one-in-a-million who can run unassisted out of your prosthesis office the first day after getting your new robot part, and do it without tripping and NEVER have a single complication from that time forward, considered yourself as one with Mother Teresa or Gandhi or anyone else who has moved the world to be a better place. Then gather that knowledge and become a ga-zillionaire teaching other prosthetist and amputees around the world! AMEN! And stop reading now, for I am a mortal and will learn from you, oh great one…….BUT, if your not, keep reading.

RARELY will you walk out that door with that type of success the first time around. Maybe even the first 5 times around. However, if your prosthesis guy or gal is listening to you and making the necessary adjustments and following up in a timely manner, you WILL successfully walk out that door at some point. Here’s the kicker, and it kind of goes back to my blog about how being an amputee can suck therefore we must recognize it and move on,

NO PROSTHESIS OF ANY KIND WILL HELP US AMBULATE OR FUNCTION AS WELL AS OUR BODY DID BEFORE WE LOST OUR BELOVED PART!

Now, read that bold sentence 100 more times. Now, realize that THAT is our reality! However, a good prosthesis should help us do most of 95% of our daily functions just like before if we are willing to put in a little time figuring out how to rework the way we do things. No, activities wont be the same, but you can relearn how to do things. Along with the fact that it will not function EXACTLY like our real body part, remember our body is biological and a prosthesis is mechanical in nature. The machine is less likely to be more sensative than our limbs. So throughout the day as you wear your prosthesis, it will be normal for fluid retention in your stump to change thus changing the fit of your Prosthesis. And even that issue is being addressed by new technology as well. As we pound away on our stump throughout the day and as we lose or gain fluid in our limb, it might just start hurting or might become so sweaty that we have to take it off, dry it out and refit it again to carry on. I once wore my leg for 32 hours when I was working a case as a homicide detective. I assure you I made two trips to the bathroom to dry off sweat and readjust a trapped air pocket that was pulling a hicky larger than any found on a teenagers neck! And as I grew tired, I limped a little more. BUT it sure beat the hell out of not being there working a cool homicide scene that most only see on TV! You got to learn to deal with little issues along the way.

The other part of the whole success equation when it comes to being an amputee is the strength of our bodies. Now most people see me or an Ottobock video of me and immediately start player-hating by saying I got along so well because I’m a big muscular guy with a strong core. And you are right. Today I get along well because I spend time in a gym and wear out a treadmill working my hip flexors. I also concentrate on walking correctly. Yes, I was a bodybuilder before my accident and I exercise today, but after my accident, I lay in an ICU for two months where I lost 55 pounds of muscle. After that, I didn’t walk unassisted for 2.5 years. After I had my amputation 2.5 years after my accident, I was a fat out of shape man with atrophy throughout my entire body. I literally could not lift 5 pounds. Compare that to my best lift on bench press where I pressed 247 pounds 26 times, trust me I wanted to give up when I started back. What I’m trying to say is this, the prosthesis will also not replace the muscle we lost completely so we have to work hard, maybe like never before, if we want to use our prosthesis to our full potential. All that is required is some willpower and time. THAT, you can influence.

In short, will our prosthesis completely replace our original limb? Absolutely not. Will our prosthesis feel exactly like it did when we had our limb? Absolutely not. And will our prosthesis make up for the lost muscle we have? Absolutely not. Hopefully you figured out that last answer on your own! These are the norms of all amputees to some degree or another. This is just one of those things you have to accept and move on. Should you accept a ton of misery and pain? No. But if you have a little discomfort after wearing it for 8 hours or so, then that is normal. Our challenge is getting back to as close as we were in life before our amputation WHILE enduring the hardships of wearing a prosthesis. Most amps do it everyday. You can do it to! Just never give up. Never let Life win! Peace out my amp brothers and sisters, until next time. AMPS ROCK!

Kevin

What to do When your Prosthesis Doesn’t Fit

I’ve only been an amputee for 8 1/2 year, but in that time I’ve altered or changed or had redone my socket dozens of times.  And every time has been because I tell my prosthetics guy, Matt Hayden of Kentucky Prosthetics that something is not fitting right.  Not only that though, I ask a lot of questions about fit and educate myself about the process; so well that I can adjust my own leg when need be.  So why can’t those dang guys get it right the first time?  Especially when they have made so many legs in the past?  That’s because, just like each of us, no two amputations are the same.  Some have scar tissue while others develop boney outcroppings, you get the point.  That part, your body is going to do what it wants to do and there’s little control over that.  BUT, what we do have control over is who we choose to take care our amp needs from here on out.  If you have been an amp for over a year and your prosthetic people still don’t make you feel like family, that’s like being forced to sit next to your crazy uncle at Thanksgiving every year – you hate going but you got to be there!  So why not find a place that actually cares about you, after all you’re going to be seeing them the rest if your days, that is of course unless your missing body part is growing back.  Yes we trust the medical community and yes we hope most of the medical profession is in it to help others, however the truth is, there are a boat load of prosthetic companies that have no genuine interest in your life or what you have, other than the money you and your insurance or the government has to pay.  Prosthetic companies should listen, they should be responsive in a timely fashion and they should strive to get you the best end product they can so you may function to as close to normal as before.  If you CANNOT see or feel all three of those qualities, YOU need to fire them and find
Someone else.  I bold the YOU, because it is solely up to you!  Make this your year, you deserve it. 

Check my amp brothers and sister later, Kevin Trees

Partying Prosthesis

My Otto Bock C-Leg knows how to party with football, White Castle and beer! Party on, Garth!